| Why do you want to get married? |
I've been reflecting on this matter for quite a while now. Our religious beliefs hold immense importance in our lives. However, look around, and you'll see discord in so many families. How many people truly live in peace? In today's modern world, harmonious relationships between spouses are becoming increasingly rare. People are indulging in sins of various kinds. Sinning has become so easy that people often don't even realize they are doing something wrong. We are surrounded by temptations and trials, and avoiding all of them seems nearly impossible. Trust among people has significantly diminished.
I started pondering: what is the root cause of all these issues—sin, conflicts between spouses, and the unrest? Why has everything become so complicated?
I discovered that while the problem is complex, the solution is relatively simple, but the process of implementing that solution is even more challenging. In this age, committing sins has become effortless. A mobile phone and 200 taka in your pocket are enough to lead you astray. Sweet-talking makes starting a relationship easy. Parents nowadays often accept these behaviors, saying, "Kids of this generation will do these things at this age." Unfortunately, such behaviors rarely remain confined to a limit. Eventually, parents are forced to cover the dishonor with excuses, saying, "This is normal these days; everyone does it. No one is perfect." Indeed, these actions have become normalized.
But what is difficult? Performing lawful deeds is difficult. Something as sacred as marriage has become a challenge. It's even more difficult for men than for women. While haram (unlawful) activities have become normalized, when it comes to halal (lawful) actions like marriage, demands for family status, wealth, a high-paying job, and "suitable" prospects pile up. On the contrary, following the sinful path requires none of these things—no job, no responsibilities, no social approval.
If lawful actions like marriage were easier, would there be so many sinful behaviors and countless social problems? Certainly not.
There were times when I thought, "Why take on the complications of marriage? It's full of problems and difficulties!" I've witnessed the struggles of families around me, and I still have fears about this. Yet, somewhere, I also believe there are positive aspects to marriage.
Now, let's come to the main point. I'm of age now. I feel like there are 101 reasons to get married and 101 reasons not to. Whether someone should get married depends on individual circumstances. For me, I think I should get married. I shared this with my family, and they said, "Find someone you like, and let us know when you do; then we'll discuss it." At first, I thought, "What kind of response is that?" But on reflection, I realized my parents likely trust me enough to believe I won't make poor decisions, InshaAllah. They know me best, don't they?
However, this isn't the main issue. The real problems are several.
1. The first question is, what does a man need to do before marriage? And frankly, I do nothing. I live off my parents. Who would agree to marry me in such a situation?
2. How would I even find a suitable partner? How will I know if she would want to marry me?
3. There's also the financial aspect. Would her family be willing to support her and me until I'm self-sufficient? Do they have the mindset to provide such support?
And most importantly, the most crucial aspect: compatibility. What kind of woman do I want? This is a vital question. I want someone who adheres to Islamic principles or at least sincerely tries to follow them. Someone with the qualities of an ideal woman as described in Islam. She must not have feminist ideologies.
There are four reasons to marry a woman, but for me, piety and religious adherence are the foremost criteria. Beauty, wealth, and family lineage are secondary. While having these attributes would be a bonus, their absence doesn't matter to me much. However, she must have a beautiful heart.
If her family also practices Islam, then Alhamdulillah, that's even better. Another essential quality is contentment. If I'm unable to provide much for her materially, she should remain patient. She should value the hereafter more than this world. She must see herself as part of me, not as someone separate, and dedicate herself sincerely to our shared life.
In simple terms, I need someone whose thoughts align with mine. And my thoughts are grounded in Islamic principles.
But here's the truth: I know a truly religious woman won't want to marry me because I don't think I'm worthy of her. A pious woman would want a devout man, and I have countless flaws. Yet, I still desire a religious woman. Maybe someone like me, who wants to follow the deen but isn't perfect at it yet, would be suitable. We could learn and grow together in our faith.
I don't want to force anyone into anything. I want someone who will practice faith on her own, out of love for Allah, not to show others.
If she does this, I won't have to make her do anything by force. And I'm not an authoritarian who would impose religious practices on her. All I hope is that her intention in worship will always be to please Allah, not to seek the approval of people.
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